The diary of Edfeil

[Lady Edfeil]

*She had been loath to use precious velum for her thoughts, but of late it seemed there was so much going on, she had to find some way to orden it. Writing things down seemed like the only way to keep what was happening straight in her mind. All things were happening so fast. She wrote to her father, King Agustin, knowing that the letters would nae be send and nae reach him but this way it seemed as if she could ask his advice. All said he was death, and mayhap he was. But if so he could read this from heaven*


Dear Father,

what a day it has been in Windstorm. In the afternoon I spoke with Queen Aethelbred of Kent. I say spoke, but it seemed more like a battle. Will that be me in several years? She is wise and cunning at the same time, and nae a woman to be crossed, but I could nae grant her wish to send her son home to Kent. He be a man and will nae do a womans bidding unless he choses.
Of course as a Queen I could command him to leave our home, but I confess I nae wish to. It is his wish to stay, and mine that he could do so. He asked for a private audience and I have granted it. Yet I nae know what to say.

*Her pen had rested long enough on the velum to soak it here with a large spot of ink before she continued*

The rest of the day went by quiet until evening fell. Oh father, I fear I may have acted foolish. I be queen in me own right now, and nae know of the intricacies a courtship might entail. I send a missive therefor to Queen Caera Anne and Queen to be Lady Cheialare. I need to send a missive to Queen Nichole too. I just wished to hear their thoughts on courtship. On what I should do and think of. For I received a letter recently that brought another to me mind who has kind thoughts for me. Years go by with narry a man looking at yer daughter, father. And now this.
What I expected were some wise words from women who had navigated such waters before. What I received was a surprise visit. Both of them seemed to wish to express that Camelot and Caerfarnon would support me right to rule.
I... nae had thought of such. All of it was arranged and done by the coronation and with so many of the Crowns swearing their defence of me right then, I had nae even considered any would contest it. Nae anymore. Instead of speaking of courtship, we spoke of succession. I be thinking of appointing Lord Repsol as me heir. Until the day I will hopefully have heirs of me body.

I wish ye were hear father, to give me sage advice. But I promise ye, I will nae fail ye. Windstorm will come first in all me decisions, as it has since the day I took up yer throne.

As always, be loved and blessed. And iffen a whisper upon the wind reaches ye, think of yer daughter.

Edfeil, R.
*The letter was sealed, and then carefully tucked away in the chest in her bedroom. There was nae a place to send it. So she just kept it, feeling lighter to have entrusted her thoughts to the pen.*



((I know I probably don't need to tell this, but these diary entries are not IC knowledge even if you have read them here ooc. On the other hand, if you get any knowledge of what happened in the room through the servants or any other means, just make sure you have a good IC reason to know. Or just ask Edie.))

[Lady Edfeil]

Dear Father,

I do nae know why I be writing today. There nae is any news to speak of. All is calm in the realm this day, and I be grateful for it. There was a wee bit of a matter to deal with about a fieldpost that might have been moved a few feet to the north, but a steward was able to deal with the matter easily. He be getting older though and has been speaking of moving in with his daughter and enjoying his old day. Another post to seek a replacement for. There be so many things that need to be adressed. I wrote ye that I be thinking of making Lord Repsol me heir. When I spoke to him about it, he thought I had a fever. I think he be the right choice though. And while I hope he may never be called upon, I also know he would be taking up yer crown and sword faithfully if ought were to happen to me. If I were to marry and be blessed with children, he could give guidance to me sons while they prepare.
I wish ye had remarried father. I wish ye had a wife again, and a son. Ye should have listened to me in that at least. Whatever took ye away from us did so much too soon, and I was nae prepared as I should have. I will make sure that nae happens to me heir.

As always, be loved and blessed,

Edfeil R.

[Lady Edfeil]

Dear Father,

I be writing with hope and trepedition. I nae wear me heart on me sleeve anymore. I know it was said always that but the look at me face was to see me thoughts. I still nae am skilled at subterfuge and those who know me can oft see if something stirrs me. But I try now to look more composed and serene and nae let me face show in haste what I might later regret. And yet, what be in me heart seems to wish to spill over in what I say I do. There be hope and trepidition within me. I have missed him. And I feel small and safe near his strength. Yet that too be what worries me. No matter how much I wish to, I can nae hand over this responsability to a husband. I need to hand it over to me son. Yet would it be so wrong for me to have a strength beside me? I need to marry for the crown, yet I can nae do so in haste. The decision I will make affects nae just me.
I will ask me brother for his wisdom in yer stead, but at times I fear he has too much confidence in me own judgement. There be a reason why women nae be allowed to chose their husband: emotions and wishes so easily cloud our judgement.
I will nae make me decision lightly, but I know if I be blessed enough, I will be able to make it.

As always, be loved and blessed,

Edfeil R>

[Lady Edfeil]

Dear father,

the season of yule is drawing neigh and as always it makes me think about the past as well as looking forward. Yesterday goodman Andor aided Lady Dream and me in making boughs of greenery for the hall. In the gardens I found a rosebush in bloom despite the snow. It seemed such a wonderful sign of life in these days, though I can nae explain it. Mayhap a Saint be blessing us from heaven.
The evening however held the most unexpected blessing. I was planning a visit to Caerfarnon, to stay there overnight and thank the Queen for her visit and to speak of some trade mayhap. However we were blown off course. I should nae have travelled so near to dusk, I thought when we had to lay anchor in an unknown harbour. It proved a blessing however for, when I had finally convinced sergeant Lan it would be better to weather the storm on land, we found a tavern. He nae was happy with me decision to go in, I could see such, but he would nae go against me decision.
Oh father, can ye believe I saw Captain Tyrun there? He looked tired to me, and we spoke in confidence, but he be alive and mostly well. I wish I knew why the sergeant dislikes him so much. He has always been kind to me.

The halls are filling with sounds again father, and it is good to hear. There be quiet days and boisterous days, but there be a true feel of hope again, now that I am better and there be a routine again to our days. It is strange how clear one sees things after having come so close to death.
But let us nae speak again of that. There was a funny incident I need to tell ye of a few days ago. Lord Joseph, he has send an emmissary, the Lady Sarah. She be a colourful woman with a tragic past and independant ways. But I like her. A few days ago, she had a wee bit too much to drink. Actually she and two of the guards had a drinking contest, with rum. I wish I could have interceded for them for the Master Sergeant saw them come in and I am certain he had several choice words for them. But I wished to make certain Sarah herself was well. She spoke of many things, some I nae understand. But she has known such pain in her life. I wish I could do ought for her. Mayhap find her a good husband who will treat her kindly. She encouraged me to run away with her, mayhap go and surprise Lord Joseph and leave responsibilites behind here. Of course I be certain she would nae have meant it were she fully sober, but the thought of me on a ship on the open sea was pretty funny.
I do need to write to Lord Joseph though. And soon. Yet it is hard to find words that convey what I wish to say. I have heard he changed and changed to a wonderful man, and for such I be glad.

The candle has burned down, father, and I will nae waste another one on idle scriblings that ye may never see. But I wish ye were here.

Wherever ye are,
be loved and blessed,
Edfeil R.

[Lady Edfeil]

Dear father,

I hardly know how to write this. Sometimes it seems that time grants us wishes and the Good Lord in heaven blesses them. Years ago you may remember a man paying attention to yer daughter. Time and duty intervened and our ways had to seperate. At that time I nae thought I would ever be married. Since I have accepted the crown I have known that I must marry in time to provide Windstorm with heirs.
Is it then nae Gods providence that at this time this mans footsteps have been led back to Windstorm? He has adressed me for permission to court the pebble of Windstorm, and I have granted it. I asked him to ask me brothers blessing too. In many ways Repsol now be the only male relative I have. I feel assured he will grant such blessing as I believe it will both provide happiness for meself and good for Windstorm.
Sometimes it seems duty and blessings go hand in hand. There is a feeling of lightness over me that I can nae describe, but since people have asked it must be visible in me countenance. I try nae to speak of this, but in the strictest confidence, until we have me brothers blessing. Yet it is heart to keep words from falling from me lips when me heart be running over with gratitude at Gods goodness.

I hope ye will send up a prayer for me father, whether ye be at the Good Lords throne, or somewhere on earth. I nae have forgotten ye.
Be loved and blessed,

Edfeil R.

[Lady Edfeil]

Dear Father,

it feels good to write ye like this, even iffen I have nae a place to send the letters to. It ordens me thoughts and that must be worth the velum, aye?
The days go by slowly and contently. We all be preparing for the yule season. The scents as usual make yer mouth water just when ye set a foot downstairs. I have been making boughs with the lady Dream, and Lord Sighehelm aided me in hanging them. I have the boxes of ornaments brought down from me bedroom. There be so many memories in those.. the handcarved figures of Caius, the beautiful glass balls of the lady Jasmine.... I am waiting for the tree. Of course I could have a tree ordered in, but I will nae do that. Nae until the last moment. Each year since I have arrived in Windstorm, the tree has... appeared with nae an order or even a request, and nae a tale of who has done it. The guards have always been sworn to secrecy. I believe the Captains of the guard have always seen to this task but I am curious if anyone takes up the tradition. It has become part of Windstorms Christmas in these years and I would miss it if we just had to pick out a tree ourselves. Still, it is what I will do. We can nae go a year without a tree, or without a yule log. Or without apple cider.

There be much to do father, and I am enjoying each single moment of it.
Be loved and blessed

Edfeil R.

[Lady Edfeil]

Dear Father,

I hardly know how to write this. It nae seems... seemly to entrust this to paper. Yet since nae one will ever read this, I think I will try. *the ink had satured the paper here, the point of the quill having rested too long upon it while she thought*
Lord Sighehelm kissed me.
*This time the quill had clearly been lift for nae a blot was visible, but the ink had dried in the words without sand and blotter. And then all of a sudden the words must have rushed forth as the rest came in one fluid motion*
I had visited Camelot for the coronation of the Lady Cheialare. Ye would have been pleased to see it, father, for somehow yer old friend, the knight of the olde code Robert was there. I nae understand how such things work, but he bestowed his blessing upon the new queen and all seemed pleased with the new reign. So many memories went through me... of Sir Joseph, of me own coronation. It seemed to overwhelm me. Lord Sighehelm had traveled after me, and though he spoke naught he offered me his support. Oh father, is it wrong for me to accept such? I feel stronger with him behind me.
While I stood I could do naught but pray for the queens reign to be well and peaceful. It nae seemed to start thus though, for when I was awoken the next day both Lord Sighehelm and Sergeant Lan insisted we leave immediately. A woman was murdered it seems and they feared for me safety as aparently it was her loyalty to the queen that was cause of her demise. I have offered masses for her soul of course.
We barely had time to eat afore a carriage took me to the docks to sail away as swift as possible. And while we were in the carriage our lips touched. I felt... I nae know how to describe. He is such a strong man, yet with me he always be so gentle.
Oh father, be it wrong for me to feel this way? I promise nae to forsake me duty to Windstorm, but be it wrong to have one close who can aide me so much, can invoke such feelings within me?
I will go to confession this eve and spend time in prayer. There be many a thing we need to address, but I hope... I hope.

Edfeil

[Lady Edfeil]

Dear Father,

I nae have received any reply to at me letters to Goodwoman Mar'tek and Queen Cheialare. It worries me. I nae wish to press for answers, but I would like to know if all be well there. I worry. It be the one dark cloud in the new year, for all has started well and peaceful. There be a tension in the guards though. One that I can nae explain. Aside from such, we went in the New Year peacefully and happy. It has been so many years now since last I heard from ye. Yet I keep hoping that one day I will hear that ye be well.

Be loved and blessed,
Edfeil

[Lady Edfeil]

Dear Father,

so much to write. The days have been unexpectedly cold and I nae found it in me to write. Yet there be much to tell ye. The last news I received from Camelot was grim. There be tales of treachery and armies. I nae received word from either the Queen or Goodwoman Mar'tek, yet a missive of goodman Valkryn spoke of events that might bode for war, or at least strife in the realm. I have decided to have inventory done early this year, so that we may send food and medicinal herbs if need arises.
*She had paused a long while here, like in the previous entry on this subject. It was as if she needed to look for words to speak of something she hoped her father would have aproved of, despite his reluctance in earlier years.*
Prince Sighehelm of Kent has adressed me brother, and permission was granted for our courtship. It feels... right. I feel content now, blessed in a way, for having obeyed ye before, and accepting duty. The Good Lord grants us what we need it seems to do our duty to him and rewards us more than we can hope for.

Be loved and blessed,
Edfeil

[Lady Edfeil]

Dear Father,

I have finally had a tiding from Camelot. That is to say, nae a tiding. Goodwoman Mar'tek be here. In Windstorm and she be staying at the least till winters end and mayhap beyond. I nae dare ask too many questions, it nae be Windstorms way, but I was saddened to hear that Galor Mar'tek had succumbed to a fever two years back. I feel badly for nae having heard such before and nae having payed me respect for he was a good, honourable man who had done me kindness in the past.
I offered Giselle a widows cottage, but she nae wished for such. She might be opening a store in the village, or mayhap chose to work in the kitchens. I fear to ask any to take that task upon them, for the ways of cook have nae changed much for the better. Yet she seems confident she could sooth him to act kindly to her. I will need to speak with Lady Dream of such as for years she has held the task of chatelaine and she would know better than I how to go about such. Yet I be glad at least to find that Gisele be safe for now, though surprised she made the journey this far in winter.
I will have to ask her soon of how Camelot fares and yet I nae wish to breech the rules of hospitality that I meself have so strongly spoken for. I will see iffen she objects to questions and if so, I will instead write another letter to queen Cheialare.

Pray for me father, as I try to decide what be best for Windstorm in these tumultuous times.

Be loved and blessed,
Edfeil

[Lady Edfeil]

Dear Father,

I will go to me grave nae understanding men. Father Bernard would say it be nae for me to understand, but I wish I did. The guards be more on edge than a mouse in a shed full of cats. It be making the guests uneasy. And now I have made a mess of things. I nae counted on male pride.
I offered me safety up to goodman Braddochs blade and he took insult. He found me foolish to play with me life and I believe arrogant in making him more suspect to the guards. The guards probably believe I nae know any danger. And Lord Sighehelm be upset and thinks of going bald because of me antics.
They nae understand. Some think it was a test, but how foolish would I be to put me own life and WIndstorms future on the line in a test. I knew he was nae the man to use that sword on me, nor on any woman.
Now there be rumours going on that he had a dagger on me throat and I am watched at every step. I pray there be nae to do for me the next days but to sit and sew till all has calmed down.
Yet here where nae one can hear or see these words I will write but to ye, father. I was right. It will make a bigger storm than I had wished it would, but in the end a wound will be cleansed and healed. The one thing that I pray now is that Sighehelm and Lord Braddoch will speak to one another with kind words. I am tired. So tired. The round of festivities first, then this. Pray for me strength, father. For I fear it is failing.

Be loved and blessed,

Edfeil

[Lady Edfeil]

Dear father,

iffen anyone tells me again to follow me heart, I fear I will scream. Aye, me heart speaks loudly, but have I nae seen marriages and even kingdoms fail because people had only let their hearts speak when considering whom to wed? I will nae risk Windstorms future. Nae even for me own happiness. When I wed it will be done with both mind and heart, nae based solely on the feelings that at times seem to overwhelm. I grew up to expect a honourable man who would take care of his family, and love to grow from such. I know now there be more. Yet I can nae just think of me. I have seen to many a royal marriage fail, and the devastation it brings. Heart and mind will come together in this, and I will speak of what I nae wish to speak before any bethrotal contract be signed and sealed. I nae even know whom should seal such for me.
Since the day I accepted the crown, I nae belong to meself anymore. And thus me hand and heart too nae be mine to give away without thought of the people I belong to.
Whether ye be on earth or in heaven, father, I hope yer prayers are with me. Give me yer wisdom in speaking of matters that nae should be mine to speak of.
I wish.. I yearn...but I will discipline me heart to me mind and hope both in doing so, God will grant me me hearts desire.

Be loved and blessed,
Edfeil

[Lady Edfeil]

Dear father,

things seem to have spun out of control so swiftly these last days. I offered a lady sanctuary here in Windstorm, even iffen she were from the Aethelwold family, who tried to topple King Edward. She seemed kind and in need of a place to stay and get her bearing. Mayhap even find a place to sink roots in.
A few days later, King Stephen, son of Xavier, grandson of Nichole and King of Dragonsshire arrived at Windstorm to learn more of his families past. It turns out he knows the lady. It turns out he knows her well. She has born him a son in the past though he nae knew of it. And when he discovered such he wished to see him, to have the rights to his blood. The lady however refused, fearing King Edwards wrath iffen he discovered a male heir to the Aethelwod blood I am convinced. She has kept her son hidden all her life and in ... anger or panic attacked King Stephen with a poker.
*the pen had rested on the paper here and had formed a blot even*
I had such fears of what might happen, of what King Stephen by rights might have demanded, her life...her freedom... Yet he was careful and kind. I confined the lady to the keep and gave him the oportunity to speak to her. Now... I am afraid that such was a dangerous thing to do.
Yet he asked me after these talks to grant the lady her freedom again. Few would agree to such. She breached sanctuary, lifted her hand to an annointed king... and yet iffen King Stephen could forgive the offense to his life, how I could I nae accept such a magnanimous gesture to both her and us? Prince Sighehelm has offered to... advise her.
At the same time I found out there might be a war going on in Camelot, but getting actual information on such be... difficult. Goodman Kyle has promised me to find out. Medicin and food has been gathered to offer to the realm if there be a need.
A friend of King Stephen, Prince Ulbrecht, be visiting and his ship was damaged but last eve. Though nae lives have been lost, the damage is serious and the ship will need to be beached. While we were still learning of such, Lady Sabina rushed in to tell me that King Stephen had crumpled down at her feet.
He has been tended to and is in the infirmary. Seeing his reaction to the Hawthorne I gave him, I nae believe he was poisoned. Thank the good Lord! I will have him eat bread and milk nae the less. And I will need to speak to him further.
These last two weeks have made me feel like a life in an autumn storm, father. And I pray for yer blessing and the Good Lord's wisdom.

Be loved and blessed,

yer Edfeil