Post by =Siya Maiden= on Sept 21, 2004 10:49:46 GMT -5
Long had she dreaded this moment, but yet she had looked forward to seeing her family again, it had been more than a month now. She wondered if she had been forgotten about, which to her, would be understandable considering the battle that had taken place. She wondered if any had noticed she had even been gone for such a long time, but it was not that that encouraged the dread inside her brain, her heart, her soul. It was that of failure and her consequences of such. She knew she would have to face them sooner or later, because she couldn't run away from family, not her dear friends, her gracious King, nor her devoted Father, she had too much respect for all to leave and not return.
For since the day she had left the castle, or should she say, dissapeared from the castle she had not adorned her usual attire of tunics and pants, she didn't want to be seen upon as a Knight while she was away. She wore gowns, just like all the other Ladies of the realms did. She took upon more traits of a Lady, buying herself some beautiful gowns, letting her hair fall free..it seemed it had become rather foriegn to her of late. Once she had become more accustomed to beautifing herself again she took it upon herself to travel, all the while still upholding her Ambassador duties for the Castle, that was the least she could do after dissapearing during battle.
After awhile, well lets say the first week of travelling, her doubts of her Knighthood grew so extreme that she needed to seek answers on this, not only on this, but if she was on her right path, or if this whole idea of her becoming a knight was honourable. She sought out her close companion, whom she was growing fonder for with each day, he had helped her with her past dilemas, he knew all about her, what she thought, what she would say, the questions she would ask, before she even did. But he always knew how to help her, it was not more answers but guidence he could give her, and that is which he did. She stayed on with him at his cabin for a couple of weeks. The rest and peace of mind did her good, and after her stay with him, she felt refreshed, she felt ready to get back out travelling again, not so ready to return to Windstorm, but ready to maintain her Ambassador responsibilities.
She did travel a few realms, meeting with others of wonderful homes, and she had a delightful chat with Lord De'Foria whom had a pretty meaningful conversation with her about her being an appropriate Knight. His words were kind and in some way comforting to her. She looked up to him, he was a man of honour and true word, but still, after everything she had her doubts. He invited her to be a guest in Eenheid until she was ready to return to windstorm, and he would accompany her as he would like to return there for a visit himself, and she stayed one night there. But it wasn't comfortable to her, and it had naught to do with his home, or his hospitality, it was her own deamons that drove her back to the cabin where she had isolated herself for those weeks.
Why did she leave, why did she fail during the battle, she was certainly not affraid not by far, but she knew, deep down she knew, it had been something she had been harbouring since the first day she decided to persue her Knighthood. To her, she felt she appeared as a joke, that no one could take her serious as being a Knight. Who would take orders from a female Knight? What enemy would heed a female Knight? When she had then chance to prove how good she was, it seemed she failed. The instant the battle had occured, it was as if she were just keep out of the loop of the situation, this she found a way to understand. And when she tried to push on, her encounters with Windstomians, an with the franks, it seemed she was ignored on her orders, or laughed upon, and this was certainly enough to cut her deep, and it made her feel like a joke, and in turn, made her doubt herself.
A female Knight, who was she trying to kid? It was never going to work. Yeah, she was a damn good Knight, she knew that, but she harbourded the feelings of never being taken seriously for a long time. And even though she had ignored most remarks and taunts of being a female warrior, when it came to the real deal of a battle, it was then she realised that maybe, just maybe this wasnt what she was supposed to be, or how it was ever going to be. Now she had to face up to her decision of leaving during the battle, wether she was needed or not for it, she had no right to dissapear during it, but she did and know she knew it was time to face her consequences of such actions.
She had returned to Windstorm, still adorning her dresses, her once again usual attire was no where evident. She walked through the castle gates, her head lowered, even when she entered the castle her head was lowered, and it was like a kind fate that the first to greet her there was a greeter, her Father. She was also greatful that the Great Hall was present with other guests so it made it a little easier on her, not that she felt she deserved any easiness upon her return. Her father greeted her with warmth and love and compassion, this she did not expect. Where was the shouting, the anger of the shame she had brought to him? This wasn't what she was expecting.
Words of love and faith were exhanged by herself and her father, she confessed to him that she was ready to accept her consequences given to her by him, by her King and by Windstorm, wether it be a strip of titles or a banishment, she was ready to accept whatever she was dealt with. Her Father knew not why she dissapeared, nor did he ask, she knew that he felt it was not the time, but she knew she had put him in the most unimaginable position being his daughter, yet working under him, the shame she must of bought to him. She hated to imagine it, and she hated herself even more for the way he was treating her. This she knew, that his questions would come later, yet another thing for her to dread, upon many other things she still dreaded on her return.
But for now, she was home again, she was safe and well. Time will only tell with what her future now holds for her.
For since the day she had left the castle, or should she say, dissapeared from the castle she had not adorned her usual attire of tunics and pants, she didn't want to be seen upon as a Knight while she was away. She wore gowns, just like all the other Ladies of the realms did. She took upon more traits of a Lady, buying herself some beautiful gowns, letting her hair fall free..it seemed it had become rather foriegn to her of late. Once she had become more accustomed to beautifing herself again she took it upon herself to travel, all the while still upholding her Ambassador duties for the Castle, that was the least she could do after dissapearing during battle.
After awhile, well lets say the first week of travelling, her doubts of her Knighthood grew so extreme that she needed to seek answers on this, not only on this, but if she was on her right path, or if this whole idea of her becoming a knight was honourable. She sought out her close companion, whom she was growing fonder for with each day, he had helped her with her past dilemas, he knew all about her, what she thought, what she would say, the questions she would ask, before she even did. But he always knew how to help her, it was not more answers but guidence he could give her, and that is which he did. She stayed on with him at his cabin for a couple of weeks. The rest and peace of mind did her good, and after her stay with him, she felt refreshed, she felt ready to get back out travelling again, not so ready to return to Windstorm, but ready to maintain her Ambassador responsibilities.
She did travel a few realms, meeting with others of wonderful homes, and she had a delightful chat with Lord De'Foria whom had a pretty meaningful conversation with her about her being an appropriate Knight. His words were kind and in some way comforting to her. She looked up to him, he was a man of honour and true word, but still, after everything she had her doubts. He invited her to be a guest in Eenheid until she was ready to return to windstorm, and he would accompany her as he would like to return there for a visit himself, and she stayed one night there. But it wasn't comfortable to her, and it had naught to do with his home, or his hospitality, it was her own deamons that drove her back to the cabin where she had isolated herself for those weeks.
Why did she leave, why did she fail during the battle, she was certainly not affraid not by far, but she knew, deep down she knew, it had been something she had been harbouring since the first day she decided to persue her Knighthood. To her, she felt she appeared as a joke, that no one could take her serious as being a Knight. Who would take orders from a female Knight? What enemy would heed a female Knight? When she had then chance to prove how good she was, it seemed she failed. The instant the battle had occured, it was as if she were just keep out of the loop of the situation, this she found a way to understand. And when she tried to push on, her encounters with Windstomians, an with the franks, it seemed she was ignored on her orders, or laughed upon, and this was certainly enough to cut her deep, and it made her feel like a joke, and in turn, made her doubt herself.
A female Knight, who was she trying to kid? It was never going to work. Yeah, she was a damn good Knight, she knew that, but she harbourded the feelings of never being taken seriously for a long time. And even though she had ignored most remarks and taunts of being a female warrior, when it came to the real deal of a battle, it was then she realised that maybe, just maybe this wasnt what she was supposed to be, or how it was ever going to be. Now she had to face up to her decision of leaving during the battle, wether she was needed or not for it, she had no right to dissapear during it, but she did and know she knew it was time to face her consequences of such actions.
She had returned to Windstorm, still adorning her dresses, her once again usual attire was no where evident. She walked through the castle gates, her head lowered, even when she entered the castle her head was lowered, and it was like a kind fate that the first to greet her there was a greeter, her Father. She was also greatful that the Great Hall was present with other guests so it made it a little easier on her, not that she felt she deserved any easiness upon her return. Her father greeted her with warmth and love and compassion, this she did not expect. Where was the shouting, the anger of the shame she had brought to him? This wasn't what she was expecting.
Words of love and faith were exhanged by herself and her father, she confessed to him that she was ready to accept her consequences given to her by him, by her King and by Windstorm, wether it be a strip of titles or a banishment, she was ready to accept whatever she was dealt with. Her Father knew not why she dissapeared, nor did he ask, she knew that he felt it was not the time, but she knew she had put him in the most unimaginable position being his daughter, yet working under him, the shame she must of bought to him. She hated to imagine it, and she hated herself even more for the way he was treating her. This she knew, that his questions would come later, yet another thing for her to dread, upon many other things she still dreaded on her return.
But for now, she was home again, she was safe and well. Time will only tell with what her future now holds for her.